Wednesday, July 26, 2017

Dating Your Polar Opposite vs. Another Version of You…Which Is the Perfect Match?


You like the same movies, you listen to the same music.  The first time you met felt like the fiftieth.  You finish each other’s sentences.  You almost never fight.

You yell at each other over whose turn it is to do the dishes, you show up at each other’s work with flowers to beg for another chance.  The first time you kissed, you felt like you were on fire.  You blow each other’s phones up with psychotic messages and voicemails when the other isn’t answering.

You go on family trips together.  You buy a pet together.  Your friends refer to you as one hybrid name of both of yours combined, a “couple’s” name.  You hold hands over the table at dinner.

You get in trouble together.  Your friends can’t remember whether you’re “together” or “done forever.”  Your family would kill you if they found out.

One of the oldest questions out there is about dating: is it better to find someone who’s exactly like you, or the complete opposite?  We all want to find someone with common interests, but we also want to find someone we can have that wild, thrilling, Sid and Nancy relationship with because let’s face it—deep down, we all thrive on the drama.

There’s no denying that each type of relationship has its perks.  It’s great to feel loved and appreciated for who you are—to feel like you’re in a relationship with your best friend.  You feel safe, trusting, like you have someone understanding in your corner at all times.

Sometimes, it’s even better to feel lusted after and desired and like you’re driving someone literally insane with your love.  As sick as it is, it’s great to feel validated by a someone spontaneously showing up at your house in tears, begging for another chance, telling you they made a mistake in leaving.

The thing is, people always say how “sick” it is to be in a relationship like that.  If you’re with someone you always clash with you must have low self-esteem, daddy issues, a need for attention and/or chaos.

I disagree with this.  I don’t see what’s so sick about being the type of person who needs excitement, who doesn’t conform to the stereotypical “relationship” dichotomy.  Sometimes, it’s just better to yell and scream for your love.  It’s a reminder of how powerful feelings can be, how much control they can have over you.  And sometimes, that reminder is a beautiful thing.

However, ultimately there’s no denying the benefit of an “easy” relationship.  The kind that doesn’t feel like it needs any work.  The kind where you’re so close to one another, people ask you if you’re related.

So what’s the ideal relationship?  As much as I’d love to say it’s the one with all the conflict (because let’s face it, I loooooove the drama), it’s actually a hybrid of both.

Surprise, surprise, right?  But really, it’s true.  I’ve had multiple experiences in both types of relationships, and the select few that actually thrived and left an imprint on who I am were the ones where I felt comfortable, understood, loved, and a little insane.

When looking for that perfect person, you’re not going to find it.  You’re going to fight, you’re going to get hurt, but if it’s right, you’re also going to feel a tremendous amount of love and acceptance. 

You’re going to feel like you can tell them your deepest, darkest, weirdest secrets and they’re not going to judge you one bit.  You’re going to feel like you can go to them on your lowest day and you know they’ll be there to get through the pain with you.

It’s also good to feel like you might lose them sometimes, because it reminds you of what you have.  It reminds you whether or not it’s worth it through the heartache, the sadness, the doubt.  But you have to have that base of trust and comfort, otherwise it’s not a healthy fit.

So now it’s your turn to talk back—in your experience, was it better to date someone exactly like you, completely different, or a combination? 

The beauty of life is that we all have these wildly different experiences that shape us as humans.  Sometimes we try really hard to make a wrong thing work, and other times we give up on something amazing because we’re too scared to let ourselves feel something so powerful.

Personally, I’m done being too afraid to experience life.  Whether I end up hurt or not, I’d rather dive in with both feet than stand back and watch everyone else live.

Trump Saves...Less Than 1%

Today, July 26, marks the day that President Trump banned the military from accepting transgender soldiers to serve our country in combat. Many people are supportive of this as they believe the social advancements taking place in our country hold us back from combative success, but many people are completely outraged about the decree.

"The president is creating a worse version of 'don't ask, don't tell,'" director of the Palm Center Aaron Belkin told the NY Times.  For those of you who don't remember, a Clinton-era policy did not allow queers to openly serve in the military.

"The thousands of transgender service members serving on the front lines for this country deserve better than a commander in chief who rejects their basic humanity," said senior staff attorney at the ACLU's LGBT & HIV Project Joshua Block to the Times.

OutServe-SLDN, a non-profit LGBTQ rights group has vowed to sue, meaning this decision will likely end up in court.

My initial reaction?  No words I actually want to post on my blog.

Trump's justification makes sense on the absolute surface--the cost to accommodate transgendered individuals would be too high for the military.  Although not exactly sensitive, it sounds logical right?

Logical until you take a look at the study done last year by the RAND Corporation, which reveals that allowing transgenders to openly serve would have minimal effects on cost.  Health care costs would increase about 0.04-0.13% per year.

Examining this study, there's no logic to Trump's decision.  The ONLY logical conclusion is that our president has a problem with gay/transgender individuals having basic human rights, and that's not okay.

This means the discharge of current transgender soldiers.  What happens to these individuals?  Where do they go?  Is he properly compensating them?  Creating jobs for them to assume?  No matter what accommodations he's willing to make (and I can't imagine him making many), he simply can't repair the damage of stripping someone's career away from them.

And for young transgendered individuals currently attending school and dreaming of joining the military one day?  They will not be allowed to serve their country, make their families proud, risk their lives for the rest of us.  They want to do what only a small percentage of the population has the guts to do, and they literally CAN'T now.  They have to choose between their career dreams and being true to their own identity.

So is this level of emotional, psychological, and likely financial damage to individuals and families worth the 0.04-0.13% in health care savings?  Tell me what you think.



Monday, July 24, 2017

Model Monday: The Archives

Many people don't realize how much it actually takes to be a successful model.  Not only do you have to be pretty--oh no.  You have to maintain an aesthetic that works for you, you have to network, and you have to be your own brand.  In order to make a career out of posing in front of a camera, you really have to work.

Those of you who know me know that I've always had a deep appreciation and respect for models, and that hasn't changed.

I'm here to save the beginning of your week with some amazing news: Model Monday is back! Since it's been a while since I've introduced you to a new and interesting model, I've decided to ease you back into it with my top 10 classic models of all time. Without further ado, a list of the 10 chicest people to grace the covers of international magazines:

1. Lisa Fonssagrives

2. Wilhelmina Cooper

3. Veruschka

4. Pat Cleveland

5. Kim Alexis

6. Naomi Campbell

*NOTE* One of my first loves. When I was 10 or 11 I received a Harper's Bazaar photography book for Christmas and it was then that I was introduced to the work of Naomi Campbell. I have never been so in awe of a model and this is the picture that won me over.

7. Michaela Bercu 

(If simply for the fact that she was on Anna Wintour's first ever Vogue cover)

8. Brandi Quinones

9. Gemma Ward

10. Stella Lucia

Forever my favorite.

Questions? Comments? STRONG disagreement? Write back about it!